Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
