All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
