dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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