Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
