I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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