So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize