Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.