Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities