before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.