Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then