I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.