I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
