just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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