so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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