my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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