So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
