Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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