How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
