Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
