The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
