Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole