I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT