Why are you drunk at the library?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck