Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels