I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.