It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?