I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!