I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers