So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."