Worst Nights of the Month

ADVERTISEMENT

• (714): View more from California

  Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.

  Fav 0 9 3

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.

  Fav 0 65 3

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.

  Fav 0 60 3

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  It’s a glorious dick miracle!

  Fav 0 48 3

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.

  Fav 0 87 3

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails

  (310): View more from California

  I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me

  Fav 0 87 3

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...

  Fav 0 46 3

  share tweet
  

• (587): View more from Alberta

  He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!

  Fav 0 63 3

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!

  Fav 0 86 3

  share tweet
  

• (239): View more from Florida

  Hi I love you will you be up for a while!

  (239): View more from Florida

  That exclamation point was a drunk decision

  Fav 0 34 3

  share tweet
  

• (587): View more from Alberta

  Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.

  Fav 0 6 2

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.

  Fav 0 5 2

  share tweet
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!

  Fav 0 10 2

  share tweet
  

• (516): View more from New York

  hey sweets how's ur crotch today?

  Fav 0 21 2

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT