Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.