Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Month

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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.

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  (307): I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open. http://tfl.nu/7eks
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.

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  (614): I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely. http://tfl.nu/lx5s
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well

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  (+44): well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well http://tfl.nu/kp3m
  Replies (4) Good night (152) Bad night (547)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online

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  (315): I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online http://tfl.nu/2eyx
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".

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  (859): Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises". http://tfl.nu/cuat
  Replies (11) Good night (183) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.

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  (778): I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack. http://tfl.nu/1g01
  Replies (9) Good night (300) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.

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  (425): I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh. http://tfl.nu/ednt
  Replies (5) Good night (182) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"

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  (609): he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you" http://tfl.nu/enmx
  Replies (9) Good night (231) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.

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  (229): Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us. http://tfl.nu/rq4r
  Replies (7) Good night (280) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.

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  (202): He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight. http://tfl.nu/npw7
  Replies (13) Good night (322) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!

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  (937): The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable. (1-937): That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil! http://tfl.nu/f2da
  Replies (5) Good night (161) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.

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  (618): So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers. http://tfl.nu/djxo
  Replies (3) Good night (270) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT

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  (306): someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT http://tfl.nu/vqqx
  Replies (6) Good night (226) Bad night (510)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time

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  (775): He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time http://tfl.nu/8uxf
  Replies (4) Good night (209) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.

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  (619): Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman. http://tfl.nu/nljs
  Replies (5) Good night (188) Bad night (508)