you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay