Worst Nights of the Month

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues

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• (904): View more from Florida

  He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin

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• 

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.

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• (415): View more from California

  Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???

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• 

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.

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• (631): View more from New York

  You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Uh not that I recall.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.

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