I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS