He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.