is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.