Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of the Week

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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.

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  (580): She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand. (580): I'm worried because he hasn't removed it. http://tfl.nu/hp4o
  Replies (3) Good night (538) Bad night (106)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Did you at least offer to let him get it out??

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  (901): I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment. (662): Did you at least offer to let him get it out?? http://tfl.nu/gv0l
  Replies (4) Good night (538) Bad night (192)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??

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  (610): So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night?? http://tfl.nu/qtcd
  Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (114)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.

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  (252): We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day. http://tfl.nu/bkmj
  Replies (2) Good night (529) Bad night (118) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.

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  (920): If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/moud
  Replies (7) Good night (525) Bad night (105) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.

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  (601): I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago. http://tfl.nu/p44l
  Replies (4) Good night (520) Bad night (121) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing

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  (615): Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing http://tfl.nu/wvdt
  Replies (4) Good night (518) Bad night (136) Order T-Shirt
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.

  (1-438): View more from Quebec

  God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss

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  (438): I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents. (1-438): God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol. (438): Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss http://tfl.nu/li35
  Replies (2) Good night (512) Bad night (109)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea

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  (250): He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea http://tfl.nu/7hkj
  Replies (1) Good night (512) Bad night (178)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan

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  (301): I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/1x19
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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  (818): Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great. http://tfl.nu/bj70
  Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (118) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?

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  (859): Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut? http://tfl.nu/nfyo
  Replies (12) Good night (492) Bad night (188) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have tan lines from my nipple rings.

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  (267): I have tan lines from my nipple rings. http://tfl.nu/n8t0
  Replies (6) Good night (491) Bad night (126) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?

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  (303): Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail? http://tfl.nu/afmp
  Replies (3) Good night (486) Bad night (120) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended

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  (414): Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended http://tfl.nu/wygn
  Replies (0) Good night (479) Bad night (58) Order T-Shirt