It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.