Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.