I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places