I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?