Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.