Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.