He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple