Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass