What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.