I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
