I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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