dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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