I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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