i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
