How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
