OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
