toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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