Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
