There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
