walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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