I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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