So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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