I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
