Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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