my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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