I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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