i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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