Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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