you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
