So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
