you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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