sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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