I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
