That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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