If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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