is wine microwaveable?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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