i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
