I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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