I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
