This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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