I am spending my child support on dildos
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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