I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
