He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
