They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
