There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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