i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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