Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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