she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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